October 18, 2013

PCOS to Pregnancy: Heartbroken.

I'm tired. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm heartbroken. I feel alone. These are all things I've said to myself this week. My latest fertility cycle failed. Honestly, I was expecting it to. I had given up hope a while ago. I wanted so badly for it to work out and it didn't. I warned my husband last week that if things didn't work out this time he needed to expect me to be crushed. So Monday, when my period came so did the tears. And they pretty much haven't stopped. I'm devastated.

There are so many emotions I'm feeling right now, but mostly I feel hurt, confused, and tired.

I gambled and I lost. There was never a guarantee that the fertility treatments would work. We poured our money, time and emotions into them, hoping for the best, and it didn't work out the way we wanted. We could go further, but I just don't think I do anymore. Not right now.

I'm so tired of the infertility roller coaster. I'm tired of hoping each month that I will finally see a positive result. I'm tired of getting my hopes up only to have them crushed. It feels like a boyfriend that treats you badly. He keeps making promises and breaking them. Every time you tell yourself it will be different and it never is. One day you'll have had enough and you have to walk away. This is exactly where I am right now.

I can't do anymore treatments. Not emotionally. There are other options. We haven't even tried things like IUI and IVF, but right now is just not the time. Forget the expenses involved. My heart and my head just can't do it. We could still travel down the road of adoption, but even that makes me cry. The thought of never being pregnant again breaks my heart. I don't want it to be over. I want to give my little boy a sibling. Someone to play with and grow with. Even someone to fight with!

I feel stuck. I don't want to stop growing our family where it is, but I just can't do anymore. Not know. I think I need to cry some more. I need to step back and step away from the treatments. I need clarity.

I'm so utterly confused. Babies are a blessing. Babies are good. So why don't I get to blessed with another? Why does it have to be so hard? Why can't I just be like all those women who want more children and have them? These are questions I may not ever get the answers to. I want so badly to trust God on this, but ultimately, right now, I'm so heartbroken I just can't understand.

My family is so supportive and yet I feel so alone. No one quite understands what I'm going through. My husband has a full time job to distract him during the day. He would love another child, but isn't heartbroken that it may not happen. He's sad for me, but he doesn't quite get it. He doesn't feel this complete loss that I feel.

We have an appointment next week with the doctor. I'm sure we'll hear "next steps" but I don't think we'll do any of them. Not right now. It will be good to know what they do suggest. Maybe when I'm ready we can venture down those paths, but for now, today, I can't do it.

Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for giving me an outlet to pour out my heart. I honestly don't know what will come of this series. When I started it earlier this year I actually worried that I would get pregnant very soon and it would be a short lived journey. Boy was a I wrong. We've been trying to conceive a second child for 15 months now and nothing. Even with medical intervention it's not working.

I'll be back next week with an update from our doctor's appointment. Hopefully I won't be so negative and pessimistic then as well.

I'm Jenny, the mama behind the blog Cloth Diaper Revival.   I'm a stay at home mom to Noah and a wife to Chas, the cloth diapering dad.  I used to be a 3rd grade teacher until I was blessed with the birth of my first child, Noah. I'm currently trying to conceive my second child while struggling with infertility due to PCOS. This series covers my journey and my experiences along the way.

October 16, 2013

Out with the OLD prints and IN with the NEW!

It happens. Sometimes your favorite diaper companies discontinue your favorite colors, prints, and styles. It's hard to say goodbye. You may find yourself needing to stock up while you can. It's scary to know you may never be able to find that color or print again. Here are some the goodbyes we must say this year:

GroVia is discontinuing four prints and two colors this year! Say goodbye to the following:

bumGenius is discontinuing three prints and four colors! Say goodbye to these lovely babies:

Never fear! The good news about saying goodbye is there is new stuff coming! Dry your tears and wait anxiously for the announcements! In the mean time, say hello to these new prints from WolbyBug!

What are you saddest to see go? What are you hoping to see new?

October 15, 2013

Trophy Tuesday: Win Cloth Diaper Cream and save 15% when you order this week!

trophy Tuesday

This week's Trophy Tuesday Giveaway is a cloth diaper safe diaper cream!

trophy tuesday

Earth Mama's #1 best selling Angel Baby Bottom Balm is clinically tested, safe for cloth diapers, and safely battles existing diaper rash and protects against flare ups. The only balm made with organic olive oil infused with a proprietary blend of naturally antibacterial and antifungal organic herbs, shea butter and pure essential oils, Angel Baby Bottom Balm is vegan (no beeswax!), smooth and soothing, and works especially well with all kinds of cloth diapers.

While any cream, balm or lotion can stain if you slather too much on, the optimal amount of Angel Baby Bottom Balm is a light coating – just enough to deliver all the herbal goodness to your baby’s skin, but not too much to leave a residue. You shouldn’t be able to write your name in the balm on your baby’s bum!

trophy tuesday

Mama Rose's Magic Touch Diaper Balm is a wonderfully smelling, non-messy skin and diaper ointment that uses a combination of certified organic herbal infusions and pure essential oils, which can help promote the formation of new cells and relieve irritation. Natural ingredients help to protect the skin without the use of zinc oxide, a white, pasty ingredient which is commonly used as a barrier in diaper creams, and can clog the absorbency of cloth diapers. Magic Touch Skin & Diaper Balm is extremely gentle, exceptionally effective, and completely natural. It is a must in every household.

This week we're giving you a chance to win your choice cloth diaper safe rash cream.

There are many easy ways to enter via the Rafflecopter form below.  Click >MORE< to view the form below this post if it doesn't appear.

Win It!  Enter to win rash cream below.

On Sale!  Shop for diaper cream this week only and save 15% when you order diaper cream at Cloth Diaper Outlet!

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