September 6, 2013

PCOS to Pregnancy: Infertility and your marriage

This week's post was inspired by my husband. I love when he gives me blog material. I want to talk about infertility and marriage. I tried so hard to find some statistics about the impact on marriage, but I couldn't dig anything up. I've heard, and can only imagine, how awful the strain can be on a marriage. I, of course, have my own first hand experience in this topic, but every couple is different. Here are some factors that I believe can really put a stress on your marriage when dealing with infertility.

Money - Having children is expensive on it's own, but adding in the cost to actually get pregnant (or adopt) is huge. It's expensive and there isn't a lot of help available. Most infertility treatments aren't covered by most insurance plans. Add in the fact that you don't always get pregnant on the first or even second try with treatments, or maybe ever, and you are looking at thousands of dollars.

Priorities - One person may be willing to give up sooner than the other. It may mean more to one person in the relationship to have a child than it does to the other. One person may really be set on trying all of the ways to have a biological child, while the other person may be content on moving forward to adoption. When you aren't on the same page, it can really cause conflict.

In my marriage, both of these reasons are impacting things. My husband is a saver. He's frugal. In a lot of ways this is such a blessing. I came into our marriage with maxed out credit cards and no savings. He's had a portfolio since he was fresh out of high school. I know the fertility treatments are expensive and while I wish we didn't have to spend the money on it, I see it as our only option. Every month that we don't get pregnant, he sees another month that is going to cost us hundreds of dollars to try again.

Our thoughts on more children are different as well. He was content when we first got married with it just being the two of us. If we had children, great..if not, oh well. He didn't need children. For me, having children was important. I couldn't imagine not having them. I was happy in our marriage, but I yearned to grow our family. Now that we have one son, he is content with whatever happens. I never saw myself having one child. I always wanted three or four kids. Slowly, I am coming to terms with our life. Just recently I have embraced the idea that we may only be a family of three and honestly I'm okay with it.

My husband and I are great communicators. We work hard at keeping our marriage a priority. We talk about our feelings and our expectations. We've learned this along the way. He stresses his concerns over money and how much our fertility treatments are costing and I voice my thoughts over how far I want to go. Our ideas for the future don't exactly match, but we are working on it. We haven't closed the door on either side. We'll cross the bridges when we get there and I know that whatever decisions we make, we'll make them together.

I'm Jenny, the mama behind the blog Cloth Diaper Revival.   I'm a stay at home mom to Noah and a wife to Chas, the cloth diapering dad.  I used to be a 3rd grade teacher until I was blessed with the birth of my first child, Noah. I'm currently trying to conceive my second child while struggling with infertility due to PCOS. This series covers my journey and my experiences along the way.

1 comments:

Hopefully this will be irrelevant to you but I wanted to mention that there is another option for attempting to get pregnant with PCOS that is significantly less expensive. It's the Creighton Model FertilityCare System / NaProTECHNOLOGY. My SIL has PCOS and was able to conceive after seeing a NaPro doctor. I don't know many details but they claim a much better success rate than IVF by attempting to treat the underlying causes of PCOS. And I've heard that since you're seeing regular doctors more of the treatments are usually covered.

http://www.fertilitycare.org/