August 23, 2013

PCOS to Pregnancy: Looking on the bright side

This last cycle didn't work out. I began testing daily at about 7 days past ovulation (dpo). I had so many symptoms that I thought surely last month's treatments worked. Lo and behold, the day came for the final test and it was negative. That morning I decided I was tired. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of being disappointed. My husband is never disappointed at a failed cycle. He's sad for me, but for him, he knows it will happen when it's supposed to...or maybe not at all for some reason we can't see. I'm jealous of this. I want to let it go. I want to trust that there's a better plan that isn't necessarily mine. So this time, I've decided to force myself into it.

As I stared at the words "not pregnant" on the digital test, I held in the tears and disappointments and started counting my blessings. I made a list of all the reasons why it was a blessing I didn't get pregnant this month.

1. My due date won't be in April. My niece was born this past April and passed away 4 hours after birth. I worried about having a baby close to her birthday. I can only imagine how that would make my family feel. Now, I don't have to worry about that!

2. We can go to Disney! We're supposed to be taking a trip to Disney in April. I was worried we were going to have to back out because I would either be days away from my due date or have a very, very new newborn. Now, I won't be holding a baby. Worst case, I will be very pregnant and won't be able to ride any rides, but we could still go.

3. Tax season will be over! My mom owns a few tax offices and tax season would be the worst time for her to be able to visit and watch our son while I had a baby. My husband is also thrilled with this because anytime but tax season is busy where he works. He'll be happy to take maternity leave during those busy weeks.

4. Another month enjoying the one on one time with my toddler. I can't get enough of him and that's just one more month where I won't have to share my attention!

5. Another month of sleeping through the night! Just a delay in the middle of the night feedings and wakings that come with a newborn.

6. Closer to the correct season for the maternity and baby clothes we have! We had a summer baby and I got pregnant in the winter with our son. If I had been pregnant, the seasons would have been off. We're one month closer to being in the right seasons!

And last, my favorite reason this month was a blessing...
I started a cycle on my own! The Provera wasn't needed! Just a couple of hours after staring at that negative pregnancy test I started my period! I haven't had a 28 day cycle in almost 10 years! I don't know where it came from! There were so many different factors this past month. We added three new medications to the mix. If I had to guess, I would think it was the Pregnitude. I've heard it worked in getting cycles back. I'm thrilled!

Each cycle is full of highs and lows. The high comes once I start a period. I'm in a hopeful state of mind that that cycle will be the one that works. The low comes when the negative test happens and I wait for a cycle to start while taking Provera. This month, there was no wait. A negative test that was immediately followed by a new cycle was such a blessing! It really explains all of the symptoms I was having. They were symptoms of starting a cycle, but I had no idea because that never happens for me!

So, instead of crying this month, join me as I celebrate all of the blessings that came this month. I've started over and hopefully if this cycle fails too, I'll be able to rejoice anyway.

I'm Jenny, the mama behind the blog Cloth Diaper Revival.   I'm a stay at home mom to Noah and a wife to Chas, the cloth diapering dad.  I used to be a 3rd grade teacher until I was blessed with the birth of my first child, Noah. I'm currently trying to conceive my second child while struggling with infertility due to PCOS. This series covers my journey and my experiences along the way.

3 comments:

Yay! It's such a relief to see your heart encouraged - and also for the really awesome news of you starting all on your own! (When one member suffers, all the members suffer, when one part rejoices, all the parts are glad! 1 Cor12:26)
That little Noah is SO cute and I love seeing all his pictures and the updates on how much he's growing up!
What a big bunch of encouragement!
Thank you for sharing your journey with us!

Congratulations on starting your cycle on your own! That's just huge! Fingers crossed that this month will be your month.