June 22, 2013

PCOS to Pregnancy: What if this is it?

Lately, I've been lying awake at night wondering if this is it for us. And by "it" I mean not having more children. What if one child is all I get? Honestly, I would be blessed. Incredibly blessed beyond belief. My son brings me so much joy and I am thankful to have him in our lives, to be his mom. Our family is small and sweet and I love it.

Of course, I would love more children. I want at least one more, if not 2 or 3. I want to see my little boy grow up to be an awesome big brother. I want to get pregnant and spend 9 months in bliss while my belly grows and we anticipate another new life. But when I think about our life and I look to the future, I can see us staying a family of 3. We'd have an only child, not by choice. Part of me is at peace with this. I am so abundantly thankful for what we have. I love my life. 

Yet, another part of me will have a lot of grieving to do. How sad to think I'd never be pregnant again. We'd never get to go through the ups and downs of the newborn stage. Of course, we have options still. This doesn't have to be the end. We still have many doors to open with infertility treatments. There's always adoption. But at this point, I don't know what we'll do. 

I just hope I don't have to make that decision. I hope this is it and by "it" I mean the month I finally get pregnant. I'm trusting in the plan that is laid out for my life and I'm looking to all the blessings I have. But I'm crossing my fingers for a good month! 

I'm Jenny, the mama behind the blog Cloth Diaper Revival.   I'm a stay at home mom to Noah and a wife to Chas, the cloth diapering dad.  I used to be a 3rd grade teacher until I was blessed with the birth of my first child, Noah. I'm currently trying to conceive my second child while struggling with infertility due to PCOS. This series covers my journey and my experiences along the way.

1 comments:

I just want to encourage you. I was diagnosed with PCOS in 1997, had 2 surgeries, went thru Clomid, etc. Finally, the doc said our only option was IVF - we decided "no".

12 months later, I had lost about 40lbs, and miraculously came up pregnant on my own. I have had 5 more children since then. It has always been a trial to get & stay pregnant. Only one of my children was conceived "easily" meaning - within one or two months.

What I'm saying is: there is still hope, praying for this to be your miracle month!