January 16, 2012

Enjoy Infancy, It'll be over before you know it!

They say when you have a baby you should enjoy it because time flies by so fast. In theory, I understood this when my first child, my son Buggie, was a newborn. Honestly, there was a part of me that was so ready for him to grow up.

When he was a newborn, I just wanted to reach 12 weeks with him. My mom had told me that when I was a baby she remembers everything getting better at around 12 weeks. Then Buggie reached 12 weeks and things were a little easier but not what I thought they should be. Weren’t babies supposed to sleep all the time? After we passed the 12 week mark then I started looking forward towards six months. I just kept thinking it had to get better if only he were older.

Looking back on that I realize how much my mind was affected by my postpartum depression (PPD). I was wishing Buggie’s infancy away. Now that I have my second child, my daughter, Lady Bug, I feel like I was robbed of enjoying Buggie’s infancy. It's simply wrong to be holding your baby in your arms, the tears rolling down your face, and feeling so incredibly sad that you do not know what to do. Yet that scene played itself out many days when Buggie was under four months old. I wasn’t crying because I was filled with joy but because I had this deep sadness that I couldn’t seem to shake.  The worst thing about my feelings was that I couldn't even explain it to those around me. Sure I had good days where I felt the complete and utter joy of being a mother but more often than not I felt distant from Buggie. If you are feeling this same way, please talk to someone. As a mother you should not feel disconnected from your baby.

What I am trying to say that this part of our life will not be like this forever. Parenting young children is physically demanding and exhausting but as my cousin says, “The days are long but the years are short.” I wish I could go back to the beginning part of Buggie’s life and redo it. I'd enjoy how dependent he was on me. At the age of three Buggie is not as dependent on me for his basic needs - sleeping, comforting, and eating. His growing up is just going to continue; to go on and on and on as life always does. No matter what
your circumstance is you will move beyond it; it will soon become the past. Cherish today and the place you are in because it won’t be like this for long.

Elizabeth (aka Bert) Anderson married her college sweetheart in 2005, and started her journey into motherhood in 2008 with the birth of her son.  She started blogging in 2009 as a way to keep track of her thoughts on being a first time mom, especially her struggle with postpartum depression, and as a way of reaching out to other moms who are struggling with the same things.  This June, Bert had another first in her motherhood travels - a little girl!  Even though she's newly a mother of two, Bert maintains that no matter how many children you have you will always be a "first time mom" because there's a first time for everything!  Visit her blog, at FTM. Bert is a contributor for She Thinks Media.